Journey's Beginning
by Kaytee33
Summary: Wesley Crusher is taking a break from the Academy to join his family on the Enterprise D. He is feeling burnt out and moody. As he discovers the path he was truly meant to take, he also helps his mother and a certain Captain to find the path that they belong on.
1. Prologue

This story is based on the season 7 episode of TNG called Journey's End. I was watching it recently and realized that it takes place quite soon after Attached, but that there seemed to be a closeness between Picard and Crusher. This is my take on how their relationship was repaired...

Prologue

She wasn't avoiding him.

At least, that was what she kept trying to convince herself of.

She was just busy.

Wesley was set to arrive in two days when they met him at Starbase 310.

That certainly kept her off-duty hours busy.

Then there was work- doctors did put in long hours. _Even longer hours lately_ a voice whispered in her head _...But you're not avoiding him, right_?

Right.

Dr. Beverly Crusher sat in her quarters at 0630 hours, chomping distracted bites of her croissant...staring at the empty seat across from her. The seat that had been empty _intentionally_ ever since she had learned that his favourite breakfast food was exactly the same as hers…

_Yep Bev, that's all I learned that day…_

He loved her.

… that cold wash still shot through her at the thought.

Jean Luc Picard loved her.

And she had walked away. And kept walking all the way back to her quarters where she has remained- aside from going to work- ever since.

_I'm not avoiding him. It's just a little me time. Hey, me. What do you feel like doing today?_

_Yep, sitting in denial eating French pastries? Me too!_

Beverly smiled as she placed her plate on the recycler. She stretched and pulled on her lab coat. _Another day…_


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"I'm telling ya doc, I've never seen anything like it!" Chief Engineer Geordi LaForge sat with her in Ten Forward, along with Commander William Riker, as they shared a quick after-hours drink. They were set to meet with the colonists of Dorvan V tomorrow and hold a reception in this very room, so it was nice for the three friends to steal a moment to catch up. Wesley had been supposed to join them, but had told Beverly he would rather have some time on his own.

"...he even rolled his eyes at me!" Geordi continued, gesturing for emphasis. Wesley had been on the ship for one day now, and in that time he had managed to bite the head off of anyone who had even attempted to have a friendly conversation with him. Earlier that day, he had even found his way down to engineering, where he had basically told Geordi that his engine designs were going to 'get us all killed.' Beverly was mortified.

"I believe it," Beverly replied, resigned, "I don't think I have had one polite conversation with him yet!"

"The academy can really take a toll on ya," Riker added, lopsided smile still intact, "I'm sure he just needs a little time to adjust." He clapped Beverly in the shoulder, "I'm sure we'll have him back to normal in no time."

She wanted to believe him, but this felt like more- this felt much worse than being a little deflated from the pressure of school. To speak that way to Geordi. _Not too long ago, Geordi had been Wes' best friend, and a huge role model for him. _Beverly wondered what could possibly have made him speak that way.

A million worries flew through her head: did she go too easy on him about being respectful? Was he dealing with a mental illness? Was it a girl...or guy? Was he feeling down from having to repeat a school year? Did she fail him in some way?

The hardest part about being a single parent was the decisions- Beverly felt like she had no one to consult- no one to ask for advice. _You used to ask Jean Luc_ that little voice whispered again. _You're avoiding him, when you could really use his help. _

"...so then I had to pretend that I could speak French for the entire rest of the semester!" Riker was telling another one of his wild stories. Beverly smiled so he wouldn't catch that she hadn't been listening. _Thank goodness for Will_ she smiled, glad to be socializing for the first time in what felt like quite a while.

She would give Wes some space. He kept asking to be left alone, maybe it was time that she listened.

With a few friendly goodbyes exchanged, and a respectful nod to Guinan at the bar, Beverly left and trailed back to her quarters. Again.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

She felt his presence before she actually saw him in the corridor. Jean Luc was walking just ahead of her as she rounded the corner. They would enter the turbo lift together if she didn't stop and…

He stopped, a little stiff as he whispered, "Beverly?"

He didn't even bother to turn around first, as he could feel her presence behind him. _A small gift from the Prytt._ he thought with a sigh. Though the implants had been out for a few weeks now, Jean Luc could still sense when Beverly was near - an aftereffect of their telepathic connection down on the planet Kes Prytt. He first felt a small fizzle at the back of his neck, about where the implant had been, then it grew into a tingle through his arms and legs before settling into his chest as a very pleasant feeling- like the feeling of returning home.

He couldn't be sure, as he would never bring it up with Beverly, or any other doctor for that matter, but Jean Luc surmised that since the implants had reacted to being in close proximity, that the aftereffects were still related to their physical closeness to each other.

It had distracted him at first- sitting in the observation lounge for a senior staff meeting - but he had grown used to it, and secretly, he was heartened to have such a connection to Beverly,_ even when no other connection seems possible._

"Oh, hi" Beverly replied. As he turned he thought he caught a small wince in her eyes, as though she had been caught. _Was she trying to get away from me again?_

"I was just returning to my quarters for the night." He said weakly. "Would you…" he faltered, trying again, "I would love to hear about how its going with Wesley. Do you have time for a drink?"

Beverly smiled. _Progress_ Jean Luc thought, taking their brief conversation as an opportunity to examine her more closely. She looked tired and anxious - he hoped he wasn't the cause of any of those feelings.

Jean Luc knew she had been avoiding him, but this was the closest thing to a family that he had - her and Wesley. Family stays together through arguments and awkwardness. _Love bears all things,_ the thought flitted through his mind as his tingling sensation settled into the "home" feeling.

He hoped their relationship could bear this latest blow. He had never meant for her to find out about his feelings. The shock, no, surprise that she felt as she uncovered his feelings about her and Jack. He was so ashamed, but also a bit surprised himself. Jean Luc truly believed that she had known his true feelings all along. He had spent many an hour wondering about an errant glance, a casual brush of the hands… only to discover that she really never knew how he felt.

_But then during the chase…_

When they had reached the force field on Kes Prytt, Beverly began trying to open a passage in the field with her tricorder. The Prytt were closing in, and just as things seemed hopeless, a small hole opened in the field wall. _She shoved me through the gap to save me before I even knew what was happening. _The gap closed before Beverly could follow through and the pair wound up starting at each other through the field waves. _In that moment we did not exchange words - no words were needed. There was only warmth, connecting us._

It felt like a sunrise, it felt like the first time Jean Luc had gone into space, it felt like...the sensations radiating across his chest this second. It was a feeling he carried ever since - but now without the link, he couldn't tell if she still felt the same way. Jean Luc wanted so badly to capture that pure feeling of love and keep it within him for the rest of his days….keep _her_ with him for the rest of his days.

"You know," Beverly replied, "I am going to take a rain check for tonight Jean Luc. Thank you for the invitation, though." She brushed his arm as she walked past and into the turbo lift.

Jean Luc exhaled slowly as the feelings of Beverly's presence slowly dissipated.

He felt a slight chill as he turned back to where he was walking - putting his captains mask into place as he saw Riker walking towards him.

"Was that Beverly in the turbo lift?" Riker asked, an incredulous look on his face, "did she tell you about Wesley?"

"Uh, no, Number One" Picard replied,_ she just avoided me again, _"is he all right?"

Riker shook his head "He sure isn't making friends while he's here. Let me tell you about what happened in Engineering today…"

Author's Note: thanks for the feedback guys, I fixed the spelling on Bev's name. My Mom is spelled with the -ey so I get confused :)


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Saying that last night's reception with the people of Dorvan V was tense was an understatement. Beverly had not been present at the meetings on the planet, but she knew Admiral Necheyev's orders to remove this group of Native Americans from yet another piece of land, and, last night, she learned the feelings of the colonists. _There is no way in hell they are leaving that planet. _

Beverly was typing the last of her paperwork for the day. It had been a good day, but the whole ship felt as though they were on edge.

She didn't envy Deanna or Jean Luc. She knew that as good as they were at their jobs, they were doomed to fail. It's like doing surgery on a fatally ill patient. Beverly hated losing a patient- it had made her think about leaving medicine more than once - the loss, the blame, having to tell the family and friends; it tore her apart.

She could not imagine having to tell an entire planet to give up, move on and start again.

_We need to focus on what the world gives us - instead of what the world takes away from us. _Wakasa, a young man from Dorvan V, told her this last night at the reception. He was speaking to her about his own people, but the idea really resonated with her. So much of Beverly's life was based on what she had lost: loss of her parents, her home planet, her husband… she had been a widow and an orphan. She had lost almost too much to bear. It scared her from making new relationships. It scared her from settling into a home for any long period of time. It scare- she sighed, being as brave as she could.

It scared her from _him_. It scared her from being loved.

She had been so foolish the other day when she ran into Jean Luc in the corridor. She wanted nothing more than to go back to his quarters, tell him all about what was happening with her son, and perhaps...touch him. Nothing risque, just… a hug, a touch in the shoulder...thighs brushing against each other on the couch.

She was scared of losing him. She was so focused on loss.

What if she just thought about what she had instead of what she could lose. _Okay Wakasa, I'll play along, _Beverley mused. _What do I have? I have a healthy son who is here with me, I have a job I love, I have co-workers that feel like family. I am safe, I am respected. I am never hungry, I have the privilege to help people every day. I have a man who has loved me as long as he has known me, and who I… don't want to lose. Damn Wakasa, I was so close to staying positive. Sorry buddy._

Beverly closed her reports for the day. Pulling her hair back from her face and putting her lab coat back on. She thought about the empty quarters she was going home to, and the sullen young man sitting alone in his quarters on the other end of the ship.

_Screw it, Bev. I will be brave for Wesley. I need Jean Luc's advice_.

"Crusher to Picard," she called out.

"_Picard here_" came the tentative reply.

"Jean Luc, do you have a minute?"

"_Of course, I'm in my quarters."_

"On my way, Crusher out."


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

For the first time since that night, Beverly had returned to his quarters. Jean Luc had been so relieved to have her back, though frustrated at the reason for her return.

What was Wesley thinking? _I trained him better than that. We raised him better than that. _The two thoughts were spun together so tightly that Picard could not help but relish in the role he had the privilege to play. Of course, he had been Wesley's commanding officer for many years. He had watched the boy flourish as a member of the best ship's crew he could ever hope to serve with.

...but then, there was that other role that he played in Wesley's life. He had first taken to Wesley as a way to help his friend Beverly, and to honour his friend Jack- who could not be present to raise Wesley himself. Because of my orders. But then, it had become a relationship with both of the Crushers under his command that had brought so much fullness to his life. He watched Wes grow into a fine young man, and an officer who would learn to be the best...in time. He genuinely felt pride, and a sense of ownership for the boy's path. He gladly helped Beverly with decisions, and eagerly greeted Wesley when he was able to come home to visit.

This family had welcomed him in and he had come to think of himself as one of them...for better or for worse.

He knew he had told Beverly not to interfere - to trust Wesley to work it out for himself, but did he have the strength to hold himself back as well? Wesley was nearly 21. It was certainly time to let him make his own successes and failures. As hard as that would be for both of them. Only time would tell, if it was the right decision.

_At least Beverly was back, _he reminded himself softly as he cleaned up his quarters for the night. He found himself smiling as he turned out the lights.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

_Bigger kids, bigger problems. _

Her friend at Starfleet medical had said that to her years and years ago. Beverly had been finishing medical school, preparing to enter Starfleet, and she was also parent to a very smart and very curious little 2 year old. One morning when a spilled cup of juice had put Beverly right over the edge, a nurse at her work had told her to enjoy the fact that her son's biggest concern was a puddle on the kitchen counter- that the problems become a lot bigger and harder to solve over time. _Well Nurse A'kida, you were certainly right today._

Wesley had just resigned from the academy...by plopping his comm badge on the desk of _her boss_, and by making matters far more tense down on the planet by stirring up the colonists. He told her that he had been participating in vision quests down in the planet. That he had seen Jack in a vision...that we had been wrong about him all along.

The questions began bubbling in Beverly's mind again: are the colonists using Wes? Is he just going through a phase? Did the captain push Wesley to resign to make a point? Did she push him into Starfleet in the first place? Is he ruining his life? _Am I letting him ruin his life?_

_You have to let him work it out for himself._ Jean Luc's words from yesterday circled in her mind. Did she _have_ to? Was there anything she could do to stop this ride and force him to think...really think this over?

...but he seemed so content. Wesley had looked almost- at ease with the decision to throw away a lifetime of training. It was certainly the first time she had seen him look happy in the time he had been aboard.

Beverly looked at her chronometer- her shift was about to start, and she had a feeling this could be a long day. Focusing herself, she left her quarters. Bigger kids, bigger worries…


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_...and you have wiped clean a very old stain of blood_. The parting words from Antharwa, the leader of the colonists, rang through Jean Luc's mind as he walked the halls to his quarters. He had helped the people of Dorvan V leave the federation, and join Cardiaissian space. Jean Luc himself knew just how dangerous it could be to find oneself in Cardassian territory without the support of the federation to keep the law intact. It was nearly a year since he had been tortured at the hands of Gul Madred, but he couldn't help but feel uneasy about the arrangement.

Anthwara believed that Jean Luc carried a legacy of evil because of what his French ancestors had done to Native Americans nearly a thousand years ago. The whole matter had Jean Luc thinking about legacy- and what one leaves behind.

Picard had done his best - especially while in the captain's chair- to leave peace and hope in his wake whenever it were possible. He carried heavily any death of his crew, or deaths caused by his actions (_or the actions of Locutus _his mind added grimly).

But what would he leave behind? An old vineyard in France? A tactical maneuver named after him? Perhaps a peace treaty or two? The truth was, Jean Luc had thought for a long time now that Wesley was his legacy- as much as he could lay claim to the boy's upbringing and achievements.

So with the unease of leaving Dorvan V behind tomorrow morning, Jean Luc was even more anxious at leaving Wesley behind on the planet as well.

The traveller had come to Wesley after all this time. Apparently he is ready to begin a journey that could only be described as going to "alternate planes of existence". On one hand, he was so proud that Jack and Beverly's son had evolved beyond the normal human existence. Selfishly, on the other hand, Jean Luc did not want to see him go.

...a soft tingle emerged from the back of Jean Luc's neck as he exited the turbo lift on the deck near his quarters. _Beverly_. She must have let herself in to his quarters. He could only hope he could find the right things to say to her. He could not bear to add to the pain that this must be causing.

"What does that even mean, to pull yourself out of time?"

Beverley was pacing through Jean Luc's living room. She had heard her son explaining all the things happening to him, and his plans for his training with the traveller. But it didn't mean that she had to like any of it. She had come to Jean Luc's quarters to talk with him about it, but instead she was pacing, shouting and crying.

_Guess I'm not as 'okay' with this as I thought I was._

Wesley had told her that when firefight had begun on the planet, that he had frozen the scene with his mind and spoken with the traveller. "I think I'm a pretty open minded person Jean Luc, but what am I supposed to say? 'Oh yes I remember the first time I froze time'", Beverly continued, wiping away a tear. "I just don't know what I am going to do? How can I possibly say goodbye to him tomorrow!?"

Jean Luc continued to sit and listen. He could tell she didn't really need an answer to any of the questions she was asking. It was almost impossible to wrap your head around the whole thing- her frustration was certainly warranted.

Jean Luc got up and handed Beverly a glass of water. He touched her shoulder and that seemed to calm her a little. _Ah well, in for a penny_, though Jean Luc as he pulled her into a hug.

He closed his eyes as she sniffled...and then opened them quickly again as his mind processed what was happening around him...or, more specifically, what was no longer happening around them.

The noise of the ship's engine had vanished -and the stars outside of the view port were no longer moving by as they should be. The ship should still be in orbit above Dorvan V but it was as though the Enterprise was frozen in space.

Jean Luc tapped his communicator- no result. He looked over to Beverly- she was frozen in place as if he were still holding her.

"Wesley?" Jean Luc called out tentatively.

"I'm here sir," came the reply. "I needed to speak with you before I leave tomorrow."

"Are you...causing this?" He gestured to the stars out the viewpoint.

"Yes. I hope you don't mind. I just wanted to make sure you understand what I am doing, sir."

"Wesley, I believe when you pull a man out if time, you are not longer obligated to address him as sir." Picard smiled softly. The explorer's heart within him marvelled at the experience.

"That's harder to do than you would think, si-" Wesley caught himself. "I just wanted to show you. To help you see what I can become, so you can help Mom"

Picard looked back at Beverly. Because of the alternate plane he was on right now, he couldn't feel Beverly's presence, but he did have the privilege to examine her with her knowing. She had the beautiful and terrifying Howard temper written all over her face right now. Her gentle dancer's body was held tight in her anger. Jean Luc longed to reach out and ease her pain.

"Captain, I know you care about her. You can help her while I'm gone- right?"

Picard's eyes warmed as he turned back to Wesley, "you have my word Wesley that I will look after your mother all the days of my life." Realizing himself, and what he may be revealing to the young man, Jean Luc added, "Your family has always been very important to me Wesley, I will keep the promise to help her- as long as you also make the promise to remember that this ship, this time… that your home will always be right here."

Wesley smiled, " I knew you would understand, sir...uh, I mean...thank you."

"Thank you for taking the time to help me understand. I cannot imagine what you will be doing in your training, but know that your mother and I are so happy that you have found your way...we love you." The words felt a little foreign in Jean Luc's mouth to say out loud- it had been a very long time since he had told anyone that he loved them- but he figured, if Wesley can stop time to have this conversation, the least Jean Luc could do was be honest.

"...she loves you too sir, she's just not ready to believe it yet."

As Wesley turned and walked back through the closed doors, the engine noise resumed and Jean Luc was back holding Beverly in his arms.


	8. Chapter 7

Okay here is the last chapter! Thanks for reading. Hopefully you like this ending ok!!

Chapter Seven

Beverly knew that, really, she should be used to having her son leave. He had been at the academy for 3 years already and each time he went back to Earth, she had to say goodbye. But he felt so much more..._gone_ this time.

Having agreed to head back to Jean Luc's quarters for breakfast after Wesley's early morning departure, she found herself staring absently as she sipped on coffee- completely lost in the feeling of loss that had overwhelmed her in the transporter. _What the world **gives** Bev. What the world gives. I was given a wonderful son. He was given a gifted mind -he was given an opportunity. He was given a guide. I was given the chance to be with him as he discovered his path. I was given a partner to help me through this… even after I pushed him off an emotional cliff…_

_He was given an unwanted attraction to his best friend's wife. He was given years of guilt and loneliness. Oh Bev, you were given another chance again. _Beverly thought about earlier this week when she had come to Jean Luc to ask about advice for Wesley._ For Wesley_. She was so proud of the way her son and Jean Luc had connected over the last few years. Wes had earned the respect of this man by working so hard and achieving so much. And Jean Luc had stretched so far out of his comfort zone to befriend her son, and to become like a parent to him. Jean Luc deserves better than me. But there he was, standing by her as he always has. _I have Jean Luc Picard, and I think I always will._

Beverly looked over to Jean Luc as he busied himself at the replicator. "Jean Luc, did I ever tell you," she paused, trying to think of how to word her feelings, "after we were connected on Kes Prytt -". Beverley paused again as she raked a hand through her hair, "I get this feeling when you are around-" she sighed again.

Jean Luc nearly dropped the coffee carafe he had just replicated, stopping dead in his tracks. Never breaking eye contact with Beverley, he say down on the couch behind him.

"Beverly," he tentatively began, "what do you feel?"

"Well," she held her hands out, reaching for the back of her neck, "I feel a buzz. An um…"

"...A fizzle?"

"Well yes, when it starts…" she continued. Jean Luc rose slowly and moved over to the table across from her- keeping his movements as still as he could. _Could it be possible that she…? _"The feeling kind of races all over my arms and legs-".

He couldn't help it, Jean Luc gently reached out, held her hand it his, and guided their hands together to his chest "...before settling here." He finished her sentence with certainty. _All the days of my life._

"Jean Luc," Beverley looked to their joined hands. They had risen from their seats and were standing toe to toe. "I'm so sorry I avoided you these last few weeks." She laced her fingers into his.

"Oh," Jean Luc murmured in mock seriousness, "have you been avoiding me?" He paused to place a soft kiss on their joined hands "I've been quite busy, you see."

"You hadn't noticed?" Beverley replied, playing along, "Well, my Jean Luc…" she held his face in her hands as she leaned in, "you will have to pay closer attention." She kissed him finally. _I know what I have._

"Yes, sir" he breathes. _She loves you, sir_ echoed in his mind.

And from a very small and very sacred little room called the habak, lightyears behind them on Dorvan V, Wesley smiled. "Take care of her, sir." He put out the fire, as he turned to the traveller, "Where to next?"

"Everywhere." Came the reply as they blinked out from reality.


End file.
